seven years of numb

I used to think it mattered, the social status quo. Then I realized that my social status is below quo. Friends leave and hurt the things that are not said. Then the voices come and I have wound up dead...
  • Current Mood
    numb numb
shawn and hunter

(no subject)

I have one "friend" that is just as apathetic about all things in life as I am.

And when things go wrong I just hide behind her.

I'm tired of being weak. But I don't know how to stop.
  • chiefbt

(no subject)

Have you gotten to the point when you have to do something, to get away from the mental agony if only for a brief moment, to cause a different pain, a physical pain. The smell of the burning flesh only elevates the intense, almost euphoric nirvana of the piercing pain of a white so bright that time stands still. Only the concentrated anguish/release and you...
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
shawn and hunter

Paper. Cut.

After years of living in a hell that was created for you, your mother drinks, your father neglect you, your friends don't listen, you can never express what's really wrong. You long to prove to the world some day that you are more than every one thinks, more than some old used bloodied tampon that they take you as....

You get that one boyfriend. Girlfriend. Lover. Soulmate.

And they supposedly love you and they teach you the way, they kiss you and touch you and it could be wrong but it feels so right, and for once you think you've finally caught that fallen star....

But after five or so weeks you invite thm over and the refuse two offers. They say they have to work and you're not really sure that's up. Their friends hate you so you can't ask them. You call all the time and they don't answer their cell phone. You leave messages on their voice mail but never call you back.

And you want to know what's wrong, and for some reason its nagging at the back of your head that you fucked it up once again.

And you really are this no-good failure.
  • Current Music
    Powerman 5000, "Action"

(no subject)

i'll fake it through the day
with some help from johnny walker red
send the poison rain down the drain
to put bad thoughts in my head
two tickets torn in half
and a lot of nothing to do
do you miss me, miss misery
like you say you do?

a man in the park
read the lines in my hand
told me i'm strong
hardly ever wrong i said man you mean

you had plans for both of us
that involved a trip out of town
to a place i've seen in a magazine
that you left lying around
i don't have you with me but
i keep a good attitude
do you miss me, miss misery
like you say you do?

i know you'd rather see me gone
than to see me the way that i am
but i am in the life anyway

next door the tv's flashing
blue frames on the wall
it's a comedy of errors, you see
it's about taking a fall
to vanish into oblivion
is easy to do
and i try to be but you know me
i come back when you want me to
do you miss me miss misery
like you say you do?

(no subject)

You think you know someone... Then you find out that they are as fake and dishonest as everyone else. Well, fuck them then. Fuck them in the ass and leave them for dead.

So there.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

(no subject)

up on the edges and over the hill
we knew more then
then we ever will
back when the days pasted by so slow
and now we'll never know
sense of tomorrow was far away
and our dreams will never fade
we never thought the good times would end

can we go back to those days
when everything was simple then
When nothing could ever change.
can we go back to those days
we didnt ever care at all.
I wish I could remain back in yesterday.

shit. too much straight life is hard on the liver.

i long for the numbness of sedation...
the anticipation, awaiting that oh so familiar sensation of serenity
the warmth that burned throughout every centimeter of my being,
the comfort of being surrounded though totally alone
i day dream of days gone by when life was merely a dream
and those nights in my room sinking ever so slowly into this same chair
the way the mirror lied though staring me straight in the eye
revealing features i never had, or never knew i had.
i long to let myself sink into the hole of my addictions and succumb willingly once again
to a lustful chemical romance, a bittersweet symphony of light and of sound, of fantasy and reality...

but reality sets in soon enough even then... i need a more permanent solution to life, though the only one i've seen is death and i am quite too self involved to allow myself to die.