I used to think it mattered, the social status quo. Then I realized that my social status is below quo. Friends leave and hurt the things that are not said. Then the voices come and I have wound up dead...
Have you gotten to the point when you have to do something, to get away from the mental agony if only for a brief moment, to cause a different pain, a physical pain. The smell of the burning flesh only elevates the intense, almost euphoric nirvana of the piercing pain of a white so bright that time stands still. Only the concentrated anguish/release and you...
After years of living in a hell that was created for you, your mother drinks, your father neglect you, your friends don't listen, you can never express what's really wrong. You long to prove to the world some day that you are more than every one thinks, more than some old used bloodied tampon that they take you as....
You get that one boyfriend. Girlfriend. Lover. Soulmate.
And they supposedly love you and they teach you the way, they kiss you and touch you and it could be wrong but it feels so right, and for once you think you've finally caught that fallen star....
But after five or so weeks you invite thm over and the refuse two offers. They say they have to work and you're not really sure that's up. Their friends hate you so you can't ask them. You call all the time and they don't answer their cell phone. You leave messages on their voice mail but never call you back.
And you want to know what's wrong, and for some reason its nagging at the back of your head that you fucked it up once again.
i'll fake it through the day with some help from johnny walker red send the poison rain down the drain to put bad thoughts in my head two tickets torn in half and a lot of nothing to do do you miss me, miss misery like you say you do?
a man in the park read the lines in my hand told me i'm strong hardly ever wrong i said man you mean
you had plans for both of us that involved a trip out of town to a place i've seen in a magazine that you left lying around i don't have you with me but i keep a good attitude do you miss me, miss misery like you say you do?
i know you'd rather see me gone than to see me the way that i am but i am in the life anyway
next door the tv's flashing blue frames on the wall it's a comedy of errors, you see it's about taking a fall to vanish into oblivion is easy to do and i try to be but you know me i come back when you want me to do you miss me miss misery like you say you do?
You think you know someone... Then you find out that they are as fake and dishonest as everyone else. Well, fuck them then. Fuck them in the ass and leave them for dead.
up on the edges and over the hill we knew more then then we ever will back when the days pasted by so slow and now we'll never know sense of tomorrow was far away and our dreams will never fade we never thought the good times would end
can we go back to those days when everything was simple then When nothing could ever change. can we go back to those days we didnt ever care at all. I wish I could remain back in yesterday.
i long for the numbness of sedation... the anticipation, awaiting that oh so familiar sensation of serenity the warmth that burned throughout every centimeter of my being, the comfort of being surrounded though totally alone i day dream of days gone by when life was merely a dream and those nights in my room sinking ever so slowly into this same chair the way the mirror lied though staring me straight in the eye revealing features i never had, or never knew i had. i long to let myself sink into the hole of my addictions and succumb willingly once again to a lustful chemical romance, a bittersweet symphony of light and of sound, of fantasy and reality...
but reality sets in soon enough even then... i need a more permanent solution to life, though the only one i've seen is death and i am quite too self involved to allow myself to die.