October 11th, 2003

shit. too much straight life is hard on the liver.

i long for the numbness of sedation...
the anticipation, awaiting that oh so familiar sensation of serenity
the warmth that burned throughout every centimeter of my being,
the comfort of being surrounded though totally alone
i day dream of days gone by when life was merely a dream
and those nights in my room sinking ever so slowly into this same chair
the way the mirror lied though staring me straight in the eye
revealing features i never had, or never knew i had.
i long to let myself sink into the hole of my addictions and succumb willingly once again
to a lustful chemical romance, a bittersweet symphony of light and of sound, of fantasy and reality...

but reality sets in soon enough even then... i need a more permanent solution to life, though the only one i've seen is death and i am quite too self involved to allow myself to die.